Love; I'm killing my needs, needs of affection so I could avoid being hurt by affection

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Came to the realization of having an episode made me super artistic.

It's 3 in the afternoon, haven't got out of bed. We can all relate to that.

I'm texting my friends, ranting about my love life, it's horrible.

Background: I decided to shut myself out from the dating world because I don't think I could go through another breakup.

I told her "I am dying, I'm craving for what I swore to not have, I wanna feel affection and even if it's in a short period of time or fake."

She said, "Are you sure that's affection and do u really want that?" "don't you think that would just make everything worse?" 

And I didn't really know how to reply to her,
She is probably right, I shouldn't do that.
IDK, maybe it will make me feel better, but then again everything does have an end, and now I am sure it won't make me feel better.

I told her "I am killing my needs, needs of affection so I could avoid being hurt by affection"

You see, I am not sure if dating can make me feel better and stronger or just gonna hurt me more and never again I wanna go through that.

She said "When you will meet someone who thinks the same way that you do, and shares the feeling, you will want to go through that again because you will trust him. You just haven’t met him yet. And it can take years, you’re so young!"

I said "I hope I will be as strong as you are when I am old"

We are not very logical sometimes but it takes the time it needs and eventually we move on, meanwhile we suffer. But we can focus on ourselves a little, analyze what happened, what hurts and try to avoid it next time.

Maybe not the best and relatable advice but it did make me feel better, I hope it makes u feel better too.
We live in a small world, things change all the time.
Before we know it.
Life bloomed.

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It has been months since I've been sending secret satellites out.
I hope those who receive it, take it well.
Take care of it, water it and soon it will bloom.

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