Life?

Came to the realization of having an episode made me super artistic. It's 3 in the afternoon, haven't got out of bed. We can all relate to that. I'm texting my friends, ranting about my love life, it's horrible. Background: I decided to shut myself out from the dating world because I don't think I could go through another breakup. I told her "I am dying, I'm craving for what I swore to not have, I wanna feel affection and even if it's in a short period of time or fake." She said, "Are you sure that's affection and do u really want that?" "don't you think that would just make everything worse?"  And I didn't really know how to reply to her, She is probably right, I shouldn't do that. IDK, maybe it will make me feel better, but then again everything does have an end, and now I am sure it won't make me feel better. I told her "I am killing my needs, needs of affection so

This problem where it begins from me but somehow it affect other people. It is hard, frustrating and I am not very sure what to do. This habit, it's annoying. Remember when you ask me if I am okay and I said "Yes, I am just tired" actually no, I wasn't just tired. I was depressed, I had an episode, I was dying inside, and for some reason, I can never get myself to say it. Remember when you ask me to go out and I said "Sorry, I not feeling well" actually no, I was crying, drowning in my own thoughts, I was afraid, and for some reason, you blame yourself thinking it's because of it. I am sorry, I did not mean to make you blame yourself, I blame myself for it too. But that isn't healthy though. And with how much I know I am still struggling. But that's okay, it is what I have always told myself. @Reno Nogaj So don't worry, I am fighting it, I am getting better, and I am living. This problem will be gone, I promise you. Soon i

There he was, standing on the edge of a cliff.  Down that cliff, he saw so many beautiful  flowers and without a second thought,   he jumped down. He landed on the  flower petals. W ith its soft touch, he said "It felt like I just jumped on to pillows"  And there he was, wandering around the flower field. He can smell the scent of every flower there, smiling at the one he finds pretty and without hesitation, he picked some - took them into his arm. But he had not known that they have thorns. "This is nothing, I will just find the one without thorns and be careful the next pick" And the story start, a boy in a field of flowers. With every thorn that pricked into his finger, he said  "I will be super careful next time, surely not every flower here have thorns and I will find that one"  With high determination, he continues. Now, he used almost every bandage he has to cover up the wound from those damn thorns. "But I can't