Depression; It's not you, it's me

This problem where it begins from me but somehow it affect other people.
It is hard, frustrating and I am not very sure what to do.
This habit, it's annoying.

Remember when you ask me if I am okay and I said "Yes, I am just tired" actually no, I wasn't just tired. I was depressed, I had an episode, I was dying inside, and for some reason, I can never get myself to say it.

Remember when you ask me to go out and I said "Sorry, I not feeling well" actually no, I was crying, drowning in my own thoughts, I was afraid, and for some reason, you blame yourself thinking it's because of it.

I am sorry, I did not mean to make you blame yourself, I blame myself for it too.
But that isn't healthy though.
And with how much I know I am still struggling.
But that's okay, it is what I have always told myself.

@Reno Nogaj

So don't worry, I am fighting it, I am getting better, and I am living.
This problem will be gone, I promise you.
Soon it will go away and I will be able to be 100% truly with you.

The sideline I soon to cross

And thank you for always been there or here for me.
What I have been through will water my flowers and with time past by, it will bloom, as pretty as we both are.
For you who already left me, that's okay.
People die in battle and this one is a battle which will be soon over.
I will still visit your grave and give you flowers, thank you for being in my army and help me through that battle.
I hope you get reborn and not to fight any battle like this ever again.

I hope you don't blame me for getting you killed.

With the blood from this war, I will use it to write my victory.

And I have decided to fight this battle alone, with the power of oneself.
So you don't have to worry about other people dying in my battle.

Everything will be over soon.
-
An open letter to my people.
The "You" in this letter are plural.

Thank you.