Untangled; I said it
Yes, I said it.
I said it out loud, it felt great.
Recently I joined a project where a bunch of people comes together to be trained by mentors and speakers in order to organize a workshop about Mental Health. it was 3 days of training with activities and stuff then one full day workshop which the one we have to organize, a total of 4 days where we live together and bond.
In the 1st day of the training, we have this one activity called "The red string" where we have a red wool and a person start with answering "Why do you advocate for Mental Health" and after they finish answering it they will throw the red wool to another person and it continues.
Seem like nothing big deal right? Wrong.
The reason why I advocate for Mental Health is a bit self victimize-ing (which I hate victimize-ing myself). I didn't know what to say, in the back of my head I was thinking about lying or coming up with something that won't victimize myself and make me look weak...
Game started.
By the 4th turn, I start crying all of their stories really touched me.
During all of the 4 turns, the thing still stuck in my head, I still can't choose whether to lie or tell the truth.
It's the 5th turn, the girl spoke and is ready to choose another person, I looked at her and I can tell she is going to throw it at me and I'll have to say something.
She did
Now I have the red wool in my hand, I am shaking, crying, my body is heating up.
For a slip second, I was going to lie, but I open my shaking mouth, looking down at the floor and the truth spill, "because I am gay, I was physically and emotionally abused throughout my life by everyone, my friends, my teammates, my teachers abused me physically and emotionally. I went through a lot but I got help and I am still here. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through, that is why I do this, I want them to get help early, I did and I am still here but there are people who might not get help early and I don't want it to be too late."
I stop myself, I said it... and it felt great, better than I expected :) I've forgotten I am surrounded by amazing people who don't judge and understand and I guess it is okay to be weak and vulnerable sometime. I am happy.
That was my first time saying it out loud, I don't know if I'll ever say it again. Well, this is kinda a second time, Maybe there'll be a 3rd time.
Maybe I will stop feeling guilty about being weak and start to say it out loud more.
The future blog will tell us.
I said it out loud, it felt great.
Recently I joined a project where a bunch of people comes together to be trained by mentors and speakers in order to organize a workshop about Mental Health. it was 3 days of training with activities and stuff then one full day workshop which the one we have to organize, a total of 4 days where we live together and bond.
In the 1st day of the training, we have this one activity called "The red string" where we have a red wool and a person start with answering "Why do you advocate for Mental Health" and after they finish answering it they will throw the red wool to another person and it continues.
Seem like nothing big deal right? Wrong.
The reason why I advocate for Mental Health is a bit self victimize-ing (which I hate victimize-ing myself). I didn't know what to say, in the back of my head I was thinking about lying or coming up with something that won't victimize myself and make me look weak...
Game started.
By the 4th turn, I start crying all of their stories really touched me.
During all of the 4 turns, the thing still stuck in my head, I still can't choose whether to lie or tell the truth.
It's the 5th turn, the girl spoke and is ready to choose another person, I looked at her and I can tell she is going to throw it at me and I'll have to say something.
She did
Now I have the red wool in my hand, I am shaking, crying, my body is heating up.
For a slip second, I was going to lie, but I open my shaking mouth, looking down at the floor and the truth spill, "because I am gay, I was physically and emotionally abused throughout my life by everyone, my friends, my teammates, my teachers abused me physically and emotionally. I went through a lot but I got help and I am still here. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through, that is why I do this, I want them to get help early, I did and I am still here but there are people who might not get help early and I don't want it to be too late."
I stop myself, I said it... and it felt great, better than I expected :) I've forgotten I am surrounded by amazing people who don't judge and understand and I guess it is okay to be weak and vulnerable sometime. I am happy.
"let the faults in our stars shine"
That was my first time saying it out loud, I don't know if I'll ever say it again. Well, this is kinda a second time, Maybe there'll be a 3rd time.
Maybe I will stop feeling guilty about being weak and start to say it out loud more.
The future blog will tell us.
Talk, Say it, Be vulnerable, It's okay.
We're listening and we understand.
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