Life?

There was a time in my life while I know myself, my plan and my future. And that was 2 years ago before I moved to the city. My goal was to finish my bachelor, go back home, have a business and start a family. As simple as that You see, I was confident with my goal. I took courses, jobs, and interns that are my field focuses. I saved, don't really go out, invest in a lot of time in finding love and actually study. Like I was super into and focus on my goal. I know what and why I was doing it. I have a point in life, even if I was depressed as shit from time to time I wouldn't lose focus on my goal. Now, 2 years pass almost 3 and I am all over the place. I don't want to go back home, don't want to have a business and sooo not starting a family. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I am doing. It's sad 3 years ago I was so sure of why and what I was doing. But now I am confused. I am still studying but my work currently does

I went out with my friends today and I suddenly got the blue. They reach out and ask "what's wrong" and I didn't have an answer. Too tired to think I said "I'm okay" I came home crying, I don't know. Maybe the scene of that place where we were in? Maybe the topic of what we talk? Maybe the food that we ate? And I don't know. IC; Calm Clinic I found myself in a state of unsureness. What was the thing that made me sad?  Was it an episode? triggered by the invisible issues that are only visible to you? well, now you have to make yourself happy, out of this state. And you can, the invisible triggers can be invisibly solved. What hurt you can heal. And I healed. It wasn't easy, all that night of confusion, panic, crying over something. Something you don't know of or all of the thing you know of. It has lead you to be here, on top of this mountain. Looking down you see all of the episodes and tantrum you've thrown.

Growing up in an Asian family and being gay, you don't really have a lot of close friends. You were just constantly being bash out at for being gay. And the "conservative Asian household" environment does not help as well. So throughout your life, you crave for love, affection, and attention. Befriending everyone just so they could keep you comfort because you didn't get it for the past 16years of your life. Call me an attention whore but I am. IC; Real Simple With the past that I still can not get over it made me afraid of being alone I find being alone is the scariest and worst thing ever and never would I want that. With that mindset, it didn't take me anywhere good. I stay with toxic people, I fake myself and I died so I would be surrounded by people. Even if they don't really like me, just the idea of it helps me cope with my issues. And I became clingy, never will I let go of someone. Well, not that easy for sure. I just want