Anxiety; I don't like eating outside alone

I have issue eating outside in restaurant alone. it's weird I know.

For the past years I rarely or almost NEVER go outside and eat alone, it's like a phobia.

Why? I don't really know nor how I can explain what's in my head to you but here is how I feel;

I feel scared, anxious, uncomfortable, nervous, and unease; of how people will think of me when I eat, how I eat, what I eat and why am I eating alone?

You might think I eat like some monster or something but no, actually I eat in a very okay manner.

But somehow my head still convinces me that I will/might do something wrong which make me don't wanna do it. 

And it's not just eating out, also going to bars or going to party alone I CAN  NOT. 

This isn't anti-social or nonsociable, I can talk to people and I go to events or social gathering alone is okay for me, but eating out NO

It's complex and annoying.

I remember the first time I went out to a restaurant and eat alone, literally; anxiety attack, I can't even finish the food, all these sentences, bad sentences fill up my head, my brain is telling me make up sentences from make up people and I feel uncomfortable.

I don't really understand myself.

Through the past years, one of my new year's resolution is alway to understand myself more.

And I am getting better at it, I don't really know 100% why I have anxiety when eating outside alone but I know it has to do with my confidence and I am trying my best to build it.

It's not easy explaining about yourself to other people without understanding yourself yet. 

Listen to yourself more

I am feeling better and that is proof that time does heal! and thanks to the people around me.
And if someone say "you open up just for attention" tell them they are wrong and punch them in the face. JK don't

What I am trying to say it if I can starve myself out of the sky, you can too.

Take time to learn about yourself, open up to other, tell them how you feel it might help you to understand yourself too.

From a friend on the internet; You are strong, stronger than I am and you are not weak if you reach out for help actually you are stronger than a lot of people.

Taking the step to get help, reaching out for the stars, living for the person you love, fighting for the people who love you.