Love; Where do you find it?

I was in the province for a month and I just got back to the city.
Everything is so similar yet different.
I can almost recognize everything but nothing at the same time.

It's a strange feeling, I don't know what it is.

Laying on my bed, I started to go through tinder and grinder.
Not sure what I'm looking for but when people asked, I say "dates"

But deep down, I actually know what I want.
I don't know why I can't admit it.
But I want romantic love from every love story you've ever heard of.
From the tragic young love of Romeo and Juliet to the teenage drama movie Love, Simon.

That is what I want to experience,
The purest form of love,
That only exists in movies.

That feeling of firework around you,
And butterflies in the stomach.

Those are the feeling I want to feel.

I sound like a child even tho I am 19.

For a person who already finishes college and is already making a living.

Why do I still believe in fairy tales?

Am I not old enough to know better?
Why am I seeking the impossible?
What in the world am I doing?

Here I am laying on my bed 30mins after scrolling through Grinder,
I felt so empty.

These creeps texting me their dickpics
And the ones I like are too good for me and they are not replying.

*Self-esteem going down*

I have this picture-perfect idea of Love that is probably impossible to achieve. 

And when I don't achieve it I get mad,
Anger fills my stomach,
Toxic words fill my head.

So where do people find love?

Is my definition of love too perfect for anyone to match?
Or am I that one unlucky human who will need to learn to live alone.

I don't know.

Here's what I know,
I can love myself.

Of course, the feeling of someone's love is completely different from the feeling of loving yourself.
But if I am really destined to be alone.
I will be ready.

My message for everyone is to love,
Love the other person.
Love yourself.
Just love!

I can't tell you where to find love.
But you will know it when the time comes.

For now, let just be happy.