Life?

It's currently past midnight and I am feeling despair.  For no reason, I woke up from what supposed to be a long sleepful night. With nothing to do at 1 AM, I scrolled through my past massages on Instagram, Looking through all the people I have encountered for the past 3 years of my life in the big city. Found plenty of my interesting self. Different parts of me that I left hiden and tucked away over the course of 3 years. Found plenty of mischiefs that I just patterned out. Patterns of me being despair.  Found plenty of interesting men I talked to and somehow lost connection or contact. Found plenty of stupid ideas, moments and conversations I somehow start and continue but never end. Found plenty of little essence of me in each and every one of the conversations. I somehow never change? or did I? Part of me still relates to those conversations. Part of me still somehow found myself in those conversations from lots to little.  I believe I evolved, I am not that me 3 years ago but

I don't believe you can ever unlove someone. I don't believe you can ever stop loving someone. No matter how much you hate that person or dislike them, you have and will always love them little or lots. I believe that each of us has plenty of soul mates, our other half is more than 1.  I believe that even when our chapter with them ends we will still continue to love them. No matter how much we think we've forgotten them or how they have no value to us, deep down we know we still love each and every one of them. Even when we say we are fed up with love.  And no I don't love that person anymore.  We know we still do, little or lots.  The feeling of love just isn't easily dissipated.  Here's my break-up story. Of all of the break-ups, of all of the ex-boyfriends. Of all of the reasons why each one of us broke up. I still love them.  No, I don't want to get back to them. No, it doesn't mean I want to be together again. But yes, I still love every one of the

The phrase "no one is perfect" is overrated.  But I still find it's the purest and kindest phrase to use. Each of us has our own faults. Each of us has our own life. Each of us has our own dark side of the moon. And each of us has our own ideal star.  And every planet is different. The point is do we understand our faults? Do we embrace our faults?  Do we accept that weird-looking flower in our garden that we don't know how it got there? I am afraid of people seeing my faults. I don't want people to know I'm weak.  I don't want people to see me as a victim. I am afraid of not being strong enough.  I tend to hide my imperfections and only showcase my strong suits. I understand it is a normal human emotion to hide your weak point and only portrait your strong point. But I feel like sometimes I try way too hard to impress a person, seeking their validation and it's exhausting also hurting my mental well-being. I try to keep myself in check, to stand sane

The legacy of my family has proven to me that the ability to change and end generational habits is within every one of us.  Generational habit : Things that make no sense/outdated but you do it because your ancestors did it and your parents told/order you to do it. I believe every one of us has the power to end negative habits that past down from our family. The one that doesn't benefit us. the one that put us under pressure, the one that we dislike, the one that we don't believe and so on. I saw a post on Facebook a few days ago about the toxic habits that people are forced to continue due to their family's idealogy.  And it came to mind. I start reflecting on myself on what habits I have inherited from my family that is outdated and make so freaking sense.  Then I start to try to change. To change so that the future generation of my family won't have to continue inheriting that.  Habits and ideology like girls shouldn't go to school or everyone must have a family

I hate Cambodian drinking culture, I know hate is a strong word but yes. I hate the way some Cambodian people drink alcohol.  Okay so hear me out, I am a Cambodian and have been living in Cambodia ever since I was born.  And I can say I am born into the culture but the drinking culture is very toxic for me. For some reason every time SOME Cambodian people drink they always act like it's a competition to show how manly they are, how much they can drink and most importantly how fucking drunk they are.  And the most annoying part of all is PUSHING OTHER PEOPLE TO DRINK as crazy as they are.  And the stupidest part is when the people don't drink as much as them THEY GET MAD. Real-life experience down below; There was this one time at a birthday party of my so called "friend". They force me to drink to a point where they hold me down, push open my mouth and start pouring alcohol into my throat.  Like bitch what the fuck? I hate that, I hate that so much. Pushing and peer-p

So I just got a boyfriend. it's a miracle I know and I don't know how it happened. It just happened. Looking back at all the stories I wrote about love and so on, I feel so weird. I don't know how to explain but this is just something I have been looking forward to. And how when I have it, it's great. credit: Nickels So yes everything is going well so far, I am handling all of my issues better than I thought. The depression comes and goes like aways but I manage to pull myself out of the blue when the water comes high. Although there is day went my mood swing went crazy and he didn't really know how to deal with it. But I look at it this way. My mental health, my problem. I shouldn't depend on my boyfriend to make me feel better, And my boyfriend should not feel likes he needs to make me feel better. Depression is weird, but I am coping well with it as I always have. The mood swings are crazy but that is just how it is and we both are ha